But I would ask them all the time to just give me a kind of lightning round of the ideal guy. So that had really changed. They see image after image of sex as something men do to women, of female pleasure as a performance for male satisfaction, of distorted bodies — of a whole lot of things that frankly wouldn't feel very good to most people. Boys used that word, that epithet for a gay person, a lot with each other. That was something that was a big surprise and a big takeaway for me — that gay boys were so much more willing and able and capable [of negotiating] the terms of their sexual experiences with their partners. And when we would do that, it was like they were channeling It was also a protective shield that allowed them to express just really basic human ideas about affection and joy. They spanned a broad range of races, religions, classes and sexual orientations. And it had become basically a slur on masculinity, not so much a statement of sexual orientation.
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