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They're both middle-aged and both are experiential sexuality educators, so in many respects they're versed in subjects like male privilege and the ways female satisfaction gets short shrift. You push back against the idea that the female orgasm is mysterious and elusive, which is how the media has sometimes described it. Rowland argues that it is possible for women to take charge and reignite their libidos. What would be a more accurate way to understand the female orgasm? Just as society tends to overly complicate female sexuality, we oversimplify men's, and they also benefit from shifting dynamics around. So how much sex should we be having? The women who I spoke to describe it to me as feelings of transcendence, of approaching sex not just as a way for getting off or feeling good, but as a portal into a deeper state of self-knowledge.

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